Denial is Dead
Oct 20th, 2009 by July Ono
People who are in denial continue blithely on as if nothing is amiss until D-Day: deadline day. This is a common strategy for people who are in over their heads. I have seen this with alcoholics, relationships and foreclosures. Tony Robbins says that there are no unresourceful people, only unresourceful states. D-Day can be avoided by getting into a resourceful state. When you are resourceful, your human potential is limitless.
The solution is in what you focus on. When you are heading down that downward spiral, people tend to focus on what’s wrong. They ask the wrong questions. Why is this happening to me? This only reinforces what they are doing wrong. The solution is to ask better questions. How can I resolve this situation? The answer is that you can’t resolve it on your own. You need help. Albert Einstein said it best when he said the significant problems we face cannot be resolved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them. This means you have to “up” your level of thinking and this is easily done through the assistance of other minds.
The first step towards change is awareness. Seek out a mentor, counsellor, advisor who can assess your situation objectively. I’ve seen people in denial while they lose their business, their marriage, their home, their job and for some, their life. But there is hope. There is help and a way out, a way up. The secret is in adjusting to a new strategy.
The current strategy you are using is producing a certain result. Repeating that strategy will only produce more of the same result. Expecting a different result while doing the same thing over and over is called insanity. So now that you know that whatever you are doing right now is producing the results in your life, just know that you are an expert at this strategy. You are getting consistent results, only not the type you are expecting. You know what this means? You are an expert at getting consistent results. You already have that skill. All you have to do is tweak your strategy so that it starts producing a different result.
Acknowledge that denial is now dead. You can choose to resurrect a new you, a new attitude, a new strategy. It will be different and it will be a new adventure.
Once you have made the decision to tackle your challenge head on, your immediate goal is to map out a short term plan with simple steps that can be implemented right away. These little steps will take you towards your long term goal.
For example, if you are unable to make your mortgage payments, be proactive and call the bank. Speak with the manager and explain your financial hardship. They will work with you if you give them the chance. The last thing they want to do is foreclose.
If you are relying on a client to pay their bill and they haven’t paid you for several months, it’s time to start collections and get new clients. You can get a retainer or a deposit up front to help with your cash flow. All you have to do is ask. Make this a new business policy.
If you are facing bankruptcy, call the creditors and negotiate a payment plan. Review your financial statement every month and pick one item to address.
If your rent is more than your income, find a smaller place to live. Where is your discretionary income going?
If you haven’t done your taxes, the government will catch up to you one day. When they do, they will garnish your wages and freeze any assets you own, on top of the penalties and interest. There are law firms that can negotiate on your behalf. Do your tax returns. If you can’t do it yourself, call someone who can help you so you can start learning today.
If you are in an abusive relationship, you need counselling immediately. Hoping the other person will change is not hope. This is denial. You need to help yourself first before you can help anyone else.
If you have lost your job, then you can choose to find another job or become an entrepreneur. There are all sorts of businesses that you can start up immediately and start making cash now. Borrow a lawnmower and start mowing lawns. Charge $35 per mow and give back $5 for the use of the lawnmower. Mow 3 lawns and you’ve made $105 - $15 = $90. Keep your receipts. Keep a record of your sales. A bookkeeper or accountant can show you how to save more money at tax time by helping you take legitimate deductions. Start babysitting, berry picking, snow shovelling, fix computers, teach how to use Microsoft Excel or any other software program, tutor students, pet walking service, car detailing, concierge service, personal shopper for the elderly, virtual assistant, social media manager, write newsletters for other people, be a ghost writer, custom crochet work, sell your knitting, sell your crafts at the flea market or on eBay, teach people how to make jam or do canning, create art from driftwood, balance rocks on top of each other, and so on.
Just take a look at what you are already competent at. Take an inventory of things that you take for granted because you know how to do it. There are other people who are willing to pay you to do it for them. Make money from the skills you already have. Then when you have cash flow coming in, you can start learning new skills that will generate more income.
Now it’s up to you to flick that switch in your brain. Your journey from here is not alone. You will do it in partnership with your success partner, your mentor, your counsellor, your advisor, your friends. Denial is a river in Egypt. Make a choice to be resourceful. You are more resourceful than you can ever know.
